


Prompt: First Christmas Together

by orphan_account



Series: One or the Other [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: A tiny bit of fluff if you squint, Aaron hates Christmas, Angst, Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 08:26:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12339060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: @theterrorthatflapsatnight asked for: Their first Christmas together. Aaron is getting really emotional because he's never had a proper Christmas.This is that. But I read "emotional" and my brain fritzed out and said "ANGST" instead. Have fun.





	Prompt: First Christmas Together

**Author's Note:**

> Aaron fucking hates Christmas, okay? 
> 
> This is set during Matt's last year at PSU. This will be the second part of the One or the Other series. I thought about doing like, their first "real" Christmas together? But nah. Maybe later.

Things are never easy for Aaron. He supposes that's part of the curse of being a Minyard. After Thanksgiving, things had been...weird. Whatever this was between him and Matt hadn't ended with their sloppy make out season at Eden's, though it hasn't exactly progressed much either. Aaron still feels weird about it, still feels like the boys from his first high school will beat the shit out of him like they had when they'd found out… So he doesn't let them do much. Sometimes they kiss; sometimes Aaron will push Matt away in the middle of it and go and lock himself in the bathroom.

Adding Christmas on top of this...whatever...leaves Aaron feeling nauseous more often than not. He hates Christmas. It has been marginally better since he's been with Nicky and Andrew, true, but even so - it's never been much cause for celebration. His best actual Christmas to date had been the one he spent in New York, and that makes him feel like shit because of where Andrew had been.

He has no plans this year, not really. Nicky is going to Germany to be with Erik and his family. Andrew and Neil are planning some stupid road trip. Katelyn kept her invitation open for him to go with her to her parents’ house, but he declined. They're still friends, and he still really likes her, but he isn't going to force his presence on her during her holiday. He doesn't think that would be fair. So he just plans on hanging out at the house in Columbia by himself. Andrew even agreed to take him to the grocery store first so he wouldn't have to take the fucking bus.

On his last day of class, a couple of days before the dorms are set to close, he gets back to his dorm to find Matt on the phone. He's exhausted after his two finals and mostly staying up for the last two something days to cram. So he isn't really paying much attention when he first walks through the living area and drops his bookbag by his desk. But when he goes to the fridge for a drink, his ears decide to start working.

“No, Mom, it's fine. Seriously. Don't worry about it. I totally understand.” A pause. “I'll figure something out. I'll call you in a few days. Love you, too.” Matt hangs up and sighs a bit as he scrapes his hand through his hair.

“What's up?” Aaron asks cautiously.

“Oh.” Matt looks over at him. He walks over to the couch and plops down beside him. “Mom has to go to Texas. One of her cousins or something is having a baby and they asked her to be there. She wasn't due until January, but Mom promised to be there. So she had to cancel on our plans for Christmas.”

“That sucks,” Aaron mutters. He takes a sip from his water bottle. “Where are you gonna go instead?”

“Dunno yet.” Matt shrugs. “Haven't really gotten that far. Might just stay with Abby or something.”

Aaron chews on the inside of his cheek for a moment. “I'm staying at the house by myself. You could come chill there if you want.”

“Really?” Matt smiles. “That would be awesome.” Aaron nods a little. “But what about Andrew and Neil?”

“They've got some stupid road trip planned,” Aaron says, “so they won't be there. We all sort of fucking hate Christmas.” Matt frowns, but he doesn't say anything. Aaron stands. “I'm gonna go sleep for the next thirty something hours.” He heads into the room as Matt laughs.

* * *

 Since Matt is now going to Columbia, Andrew and Neil leave after dropping Nicky off at the airport. Aaron doesn't say a word to them as he watches them climb into the Maserati from inside the toasty-warm cab of Matt’s truck. He'd asked Matt to take him to the airport to see Nicky off, since Nicky is the only family member he has left that actively gives a damn about him. He stares out of the window as Matt takes them away from the airport and heads toward the grocery store closest to the house.

They get all the food they might need - including snacks and booze - and head back to the house without Aaron saying much of anything. Matt talks about them heading to the mall tomorrow. He wants to do some shopping for a few people, so Aaron nods, not really consenting to go along with him but acknowledging that Matt will be going.

Back at the house, as they're putting everything away, Matt asks, “So what about you?” Aaron just gives him a flat look, not understanding the question but refusing to admit that. “What do you want for Christmas?”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “Nothing. I have the shit I need.” He roughly shoves several bags into another one.

“That's not the point,” Matt says with a laugh. “Christmas is when you get to ask for the shit you _want_.”

“Not for me.” Aaron stops and looks at him. “That's never how it was when I was growing up, or even when it was me and Andrew and Nicky. I asked for shit I needed. It didn't matter if I wanted something. We didn't ever have the money for a lot of shit. So I got new jeans and shoes and shit, all the crap my mom couldn't usually afford. Luther bought me stuff, sometimes, like when he got me a skateboard when I was twelve, but even that shit came with so many conditions attached to it that it wasn't fucking worth it. So don't. Just fucking don't.” Aaron slams a cabinet door shut and stomps up the stairs to his room.

That was always one of the worst parts about Christmas. He'd go back to school and listen to kids talk about all the neat shit they got while he had to try so much harder to hide his new bruises. He'd stopped believing in Santa when he was six, when he asked his mom if they could leave out cookies. She'd tried a lot harder back then, but still, when he'd woken up the next morning, she was passed out drunk on the couch and there wasn't a single present under their shitty cheap tree. He'd woken her up and she'd apologized before going to her closet and pulling out just three boxes, then rubbed his head and told him “Santa's broke, baby.”

High school had been worse, in a way. His so-called friends on the exy team had shown off their new phones and racquets, had talked about their new game systems, had talked about trips to the mountains and going snowboarding. When asked, he couldn't even lie… He'd told the truth. His mom was fucking broke and he didn't get shit. They'd abandoned him quickly after that.

Matt knocks on his door, and it knocks him out of his reverie as well. “I'm sorry. I made you a drink?” The promise of alcohol is what makes Aaron get up to open his door. “Here.” Matt hands him a glass. When Aaron takes the first sip, he can tell it's rum and coke. It's not bad. “Let me ask again, okay?” Matt pauses, but Aaron doesn't say anything. Honestly, he's mostly ignoring Matt and just sort of hoping he'll go away. “Is there something that you want for Christmas?”

“Playstation 3,” Aaron says in a flat voice. “New phone. A car. My degree to be fucking finished already. Take your pick.”

Matt laughs, the moron. Aaron rolls his eyes. “Come down to the living room?” Aaron huffs but nods and follows Matt back downstairs. They sit on the couch. Matt has one of the pro exy games on - New York vs Texas. Texas is winning, but only by a single point. Aaron can't really blame Matt for watching so many of their games lately. They'd come to recruit him earlier in the season. He hasn't promised to them yet, but Aaron's pretty sure he will. The only other offers have been from Florida and Wyoming - and those teams aren't nearly as good as New York.

“I gotta go to the mall to get the girls and my parents gifts,” Matt says when the game goes to commercial. “Will you come with me?”

Aaron sighs. “Yeah, whatever. Guess I should find something for Nicky. Andrew's easy. I'll get him the same thing I always do - a bottle of whiskey and a book I know he'll hate.”

“Why?” Matt asks, laughing again. “I mean, why would you get him something you know he's gonna hate?”

“Running joke, kinda.” Aaron shrugs and takes another sip of his drink. “Started the first Christmas we spent together, back with my mom. I knew he liked to read, so I got him a couple of books from a library book sale. He threw them at me later and told me I had terrible taste in literature.” Aaron smirks a little.

“So...are they like, actually terrible books or does he secretly like them?” Matt asks, sounding confused.

“Who the fuck cares?” Aaron shrugs. “He gets me a bottle of tequila and some shitty, B-list horror movie every year. Sometimes he'll do those combo movie things with like, the really old horror films. Those are decent. Last year we were actually nice to each other, I guess. I got him a big ass book with a few of the Russian Tolstoy novels in it and another one with Russian fairy tales. He got me the box set of all the _Star Wars_ movies. I already gave him _Crime and Punishment_ in Russian. Right before we left the dorms.”

“That's what that was?” Matt asks, and Aaron nods. “Wow, okay. So, uh, what else does he like then?”

“Fucking _Star Trek_ ,” Aaron says. “We used to fight about which was better. Now that I know he's gay, it makes a lot more sense why he likes Kirk so fucking much.” Aaron snorts.

“So why not get him those on DVD?” Matt doesn't look at him, since the game is back on, but he cracks a smile. “I'm sure we can find them somewhere.”

“Whatever. I'll look.” Aaron empties his glass and stands. “Nicky's the one who’s impossible to buy for.”

“He was bitching about wanting a new pair of sunglasses,” Matt says as Aaron heads to the kitchen.

“Erik will buy him some really fancy ones in Germany,” Aaron says as he makes himself a fresh drink. He waits until he's finished and carrying it back out to the living room before continuing. “I won't buy him clothes, either. I know he said he needs a new jacket. He doesn't. He just doesn't like his old one anymore.”

“So we’ll find something weird that he'll like while we're at the mall,” Matt says with a shrug. “I never have any idea of what I'm gonna get anyone until I find it, usually.”

Aaron just shakes his head. “Weirdo.” Matt flashes him a grin and bumps his shoulder lightly. New York’s team makes a goal and Matt whoops at the tv. “I'm hungry. What do you want to eat?”

“Anything is fine,” Matt says easily. “I can help?”

“You'll just get in the way,” Aaron mutters. He stands and heads back into the kitchen, leaving Matt to watch the exy game that he can still hear even as he pokes his head in the fridge. He decides on wings, figuring those sound good right now and they haven't had a chance to freeze yet.

He texts Katelyn as he grabs everything he needs and preheats the oven. She only just got to her parents’ house and she's telling him about her sister’s baby. He puts his phone down as he starts to season the wings and lay them out on a baking sheet. By the time he gets them in the oven, the final buzzer on the game sounds and Matt whoops and shouts from the living room. Aaron guesses New York won. He starts to shove the dirty dishes in the sink so he can wash them while the wings cook.

Matt comes in and stands beside him, grabbing the dishes and rinsing and drying them as Aaron finishes washing them. “I get that Christmas probably isn't great for you, but if I can help make it better, let me know?”

Aaron huffs. “Just don't, okay? I didn't invite you here to be... _you_. I was gonna spend the whole time alone and probably most of it drunk. I fucking hate Christmas. You don't, and that's fine, but don't try to make me like it.”

“I'm not trying to make you like it,” Matt says. “I'm trying to make it easier. There's a difference.” He roughly sets a bowl on the counter. “At least let me make the effort.”

“I don't want you to,” Aaron snaps. “I want to spend the whole fucking holiday high out of my goddamn mind, but since I can't do that, I'll just drink myself stupid.” He throws a handful of silverware that was left from the last time they'd been in the house into Matt’s side of the sink.

“You could at least try to have some fun,” Matt snaps back. “Stop thinking so much about how shitty things always were for you before now. Or do, whatever. But don't take it out on me. I'm just trying to fucking help.”

“Who asked you to?” Aaron shouts. “Go call Dan. Maybe you can spend Christmas with her instead. I'm sure she makes for better company.” Aaron stomps off, but he doesn't even make it halfway across the kitchen before Matt grabs his arm and turns him around to face him.

“What the fuck?” Matt asks. “Dan and I broke up months ago. Why would I spend Christmas with her?”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “Because you still talk to her all the fucking time and you're still holding out hope that you two can get back together.” Matt just gapes at him. “Yeah.” Aaron snatches his arm back and grabs the rest of the fifth of rum before heading up to his room. He locks the door and turns on his stereo, turning the volume up loud enough that he won't have to listen to anything from downstairs. Hopefully Matt won't be stupid enough to ignore the timer on the oven and leave the wings in. Nicky might be a little pissed off if Aaron let the house house burn down because of some wings.

He drinks straight from the bottle and he doesn't leave his room except to go take a piss. He's very, very drunk when he makes his way downstairs in search of water and some of the food he cooked but didn't eat. He finds the wings in a container in the fridge. It takes him a few tries to get the numbers right on the microwave, but he manages. He drinks an entire glass of water while he waits for the wings to reheat.

“They tasted pretty good.”

“No shit,” Aaron mutters. “They aren't fried, so they aren't like...like…” He squints at the wings. “From a restaurant or whatever. But they're still good.”

Matt hums a little. Aaron ignores him and yanks the wings out of the microwave. He dumps them on a plate and flops down at the table with a full glass of water. He burns his fingers as he begins to pull them apart, but he doesn't care. Matt sits at the table, too, diagonally across from Aaron, but Aaron just stares at his plate.

“I'm not trying to get back with Dan,” Matt says once Aaron’s eaten about half his wings. “We still talk, yeah, but she didn't know anyone out there where she is at first. And she's still my friend, just like you and Katelyn are still friends.” Aaron shoves his plate away from himself and he moves to the sink to wash his hands. That doesn't stop Matt from talking. “She's spending Christmas with her stage sisters, but I don't want to spend Christmas with her this year anyway.”

“So go to Abby’s then,” Aaron says. He's still drunk, yes, but the too-loose feeling has faded after eating. “You don't have to stay fucking here.”

“And if I want to?”

Aaron turns and looks at Matt. “Why would you? You like Christmas. I'm not putting up Nicky's shitty tree and lights and other decorations. I'm sure as fuck not gonna watch Christmas movies. All that happy family bullshit makes me want to puke. I'm not doing a Christmas dinner or whatever and I don't bake. So go enjoy your holiday with someone who isn't going to drag you down the entire time.”

Matt stands and moves in front of Aaron. He takes his hand, and when Aaron doesn't immediately jerk away, he smiles a little bit. “First off, you aren't going to drag me down, so stop thinking that. Second, you don't have to do anything Christmas-related that you don't want to. I'm not going to try to make you. Sure, I like ham and deviled eggs and shit like that on Christmas, and I like stuffing my face with lots of really unhealthy sweets, but fuck it. If I want that shit, I can go to a restaurant somewhere. Fuck all the other shit.”

“Why?” Aaron asks again. He shakes his head. “Why would you want to be here with me? It doesn't - doesn't make any sense.”

“Because I like you?” Matt tips his head to the side a little. “I really do just want to spend time with you, hard as that is for you to believe.”

“You're an idiot,” Aaron mutters. He can't look Matt in the eye. “You shouldn't like me. I'm just an asshole, remember?”

Matt kisses Aaron’s cheek before Aaron can dart out of the way. “Asshole or not, I do still like you.” Matt grins. “Will you let me stay?” Aaron nods, though he isn't sure why, and his face is so hot he feels like it's going to melt off. “Thank you.”

“You're the one who's going to be miserable the whole time,” Aaron mutters darkly. Matt scoffs. He bends down and kisses Aaron on the lips this time. Aaron only half-heartedly makes an attempt at pushing him away. Matt drags him back to the living room where the second half of _Die Hard_ is playing. Aaron figures that, as far as Christmas movies go, that one is okay. They wind up making out for a little while. Soon, though, Aaron is curled up - somehow finding himself tucked to Matt's chest, though he doesn't really remember laying there - and dozing off.

* * *

Shopping the next day is mostly uneventful, though Aaron does manage to find gifts for Andrew and Nicky. He even grabs something for Neil - mostly because Matt needles him into it. While Matt is off doing some other shopping, Aaron gets Matt a cookbook - mostly just to tease him since Matt can't really cook anything but macaroni and cheese out of a box.

They eat in the food court, Matt drags Aaron around to a few more stores, and then they finally head back toward the house. Aaron makes Matt stop at the grocery store again, and though Matt asks what for and Aaron refuses to answer, he stops anyway. Aaron runs inside and grabs a stupid pie that he doesn't actually have to make and a small ham - one of the last ones remaining. He grabs a couple other things he'll need for a decent “Christmas” dinner and heads back out to Matt's truck. Matt gives him an odd look, but he wisely doesn't ask.

They don't do much that night. Aaron keeps his distance, too. He feels like he's coming out of his skin, but he doesn't know how to express that, so he just keeps silent and surly. Matt lets him have his space and doesn't push.

The next morning, Christmas morning, Aaron heads downstairs to the smell of coffee. He blinks blearily at Matt's sunny smile, but he accepts the mug of coffee gratefully. They eat cereal for breakfast and drink their coffee piled up on the couch with blankets while they search in vain through the channels for something to watch that isn't Christmas-related. Finally, Aaron gets up and puts in _Pulp Fiction_ instead.

“I'm gonna cook later,” he says. “I even got you a shitty pie.”

Matt laughs. “You didn't have to do that.” He bends over and kisses Aaron's cheek. “But thank you.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Aaron grumbles. They watch the movie and Aaron winds up falling asleep somewhere around the part when Bruce Willis and Ving Rhames are in the pawn shop. Matt wakes him up closer to lunch time, and Aaron heads into the kitchen to get the fucking ham in the oven. After that's done, he showers.

While he's making the deviled eggs, Matt comes into the kitchen. Aaron glances at him and nearly drops the bowl in his hands. Matt has a big ass box wrapped in blue paper. He can tell that it was wrapped at whatever store Matt bought it at. It's too perfect - and he'd seen the atrocious way Matt had wrapped gifts before.

“What the fuck is that?” Aaron asks, narrowing his eyes.

“A gift?” Matt says cautiously. “Merry Christmas?”

“Motherfucker,” Aaron mutters. “Take that shit somewhere else. I can't deal with it right now.”

“Okay?” Matt sounds confused, but he does take the box into the living room at least.

Aaron hasn't felt great ever since he woke up from his nap. He's been on edge. He feels like even the slightest thing will push him over that edge. What that edge leads to, he couldn't really say. He just knows he isn't in a great place right now and trying to deal with presents and actual Christmas stuff is too much. So he refocuses on the eggs, then he throws together a green bean casserole to put in the oven after the ham is done. He still kind of wants to burn the house down for no reason other than to get rid of the offending gift, so he grabs some tequila and orange juice and makes himself a drink. It doesn't help as much as he wants it to.

“What's going on?” Matt asks when Aaron flops into the recliner in the living room. He yanks a blanket up around himself roughly.

“I hate Christmas,” Aaron mutters darkly. “Me, Nicky, and Andrew never actually do anything on Christmas day. Nicky tried the first year we lived together and Andrew almost stabbed him for it. So we do our shit on some other day. It's not special. Usually we just throw things at each other and leave.”

“How was I supposed to know?” Matt asks, a little sharply. Aaron scowls at him. “I was just trying to make it better, fuck.”

“You can't,” Aaron snaps, his anger bleeding through in his voice and the way he tenses up. “There's timer on the oven for the ham. Take it out when it's done and put the green bean casserole in for twenty-five minutes.” He stands and takes the blanket and his drink up to his room.

As soon as he's locked in, he curls up on his bed and stares at the wall. His phone has been going off for most of the morning with notifications from other people: Foxes new and old, his study groups, Katelyn. They all want to tell him “Merry Christmas” and shit. He doesn't want anything to do with any of them or this shitty holiday.

When his phone actually starts to ring, he sighs. It's Nicky, which is the only reason he answers. “Hey. How's Germany?”

“Amazing,” Nicky says with a pleased, quiet sigh. “Merry Christmas, grumpy.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Aaron mutters.

“That's it, I'm done. I won't say anything else about it.” Nicky laughs a bit. “How are things there?”

“Shitty.” Aaron rolls to face his door and frowns. “I don't understand why Matt even wants to be here anymore. I told him to just go somewhere else, but he...he won't.”

“Because he _likes_ you,” Nicky teases. Aaron rolls his eyes, even if he knows Nicky can't see him. “Seriously. He wants to spend the break with you, so let him. Christmas is over by tomorrow and you can go back to being your normal grumpy self instead of your holiday grumpy self.”

“He tried to give me a present,” Aaron says flatly.

“Is...is he still alive?”

“I'm not Andrew!” Aaron snaps.

“No, but you could probably murder someone by glaring them to death.” Nicky laughs again. “Just tell him you want to wait for a couple of days or something. I'm pretty sure Matt won't be mad about it.”

“I already yelled at him,” Aaron mumbles. He tugs the blanket up over his head. “I tried to do the whole dinner thing and I can't even stand to fucking be around him so I left him with taking the ham out of the oven.”

“Aw,” Nicky whines, “you never did anything nice like that for us.” He laughs a bit. “If you're making that much of an effort for him, though, you obviously want him to be happy.”

“I don't want him to be fucking miserable,” Aaron corrects. “Which, I'm pretty sure I ruined that already so whatever. I just want this fucking break to be over with already. I want things to go back to normal.”

“Normal is overrated.” He says something to someone else, but Aaron can't make out what it is. “I gotta go, we're about to eat. Just try to survive a little longer.”

“Yeah, sure. Have fun.” Aaron waits a moment, then he sighs and says, “Merry Christmas, Nicky.”

“Merry Christmas!” Nicky hangs up before Aaron can do or say anything else. Aaron grimaces at his phone and at the idea of Nicky - since Nicky is too far away to be properly glared at. He can smell the ham even from under his blanket. He hasn't eaten since his little bowl of cereal that morning, so he decides to head downstairs and get some food and face Matt once more.

Matt must be in Nicky's room, since Aaron doesn't see him when he heads downstairs. Aaron takes the ham out of the oven and puts the green bean casserole in its place. He peels some of the pre-sliced ham pieces off and tosses them on a plate before grabbing a couple of the eggs from the fridge. Matt has already been into those, since several are obviously missing. Aaron takes his food to the living room with a glass of sweet tea (he'd made it earlier, specifically to go with dinner). He doesn't even bother with cable, instead grabbing _Boondock Saints_ and putting that in the DVD player.

He's just sat and taken a bite of one of the eggs when Matt comes out of Nicky's room. “Oh. Hey.” He tries for a smile, but it falls flat.

“Ham’s done,” Aaron says. “Green bean casserole has about a half hour. Then I'll put in the pie.”

“You don't have to,” Matt says quietly.

“Shut up,” Aaron says with a tired sigh. “Just eat the goddamn food.” He shoves the rest of the egg in his mouth and chews it up. Matt still doesn't move, so after he swallows he says, “We can do gifts or whatever tonight if you want. I didn't get you much. The food was most of it, really.”

“That's - that's okay. Thanks.” Matt's smile comes a little easier this time. He heads into the kitchen at last and comes back with a plate full of ham and eggs. “This is good,” Matt says through a mouthful of ham. Aaron just shrugs, and they eat in silence as the movie plays.

Later that night, after Matt's eaten nearly the entire pie to himself and most of the ham his gone, the deviled eggs were long ago finished off, and barely any of the green bean casserole remains, they are watching _Star Wars Episode V: Empire Strikes Back_ . They'd already watched _A New Hope_ . Aaron was appalled when Matt told him he'd never actually seen all of the _Star Wars_ movies in their entirety. He is determined to correct that.

“Fuck, I am so full,” Matt whines. He grabs his rum and coke and drinks some of it. “Why did you force all that food down my throat, Aaron? I'm telling coach. It's all your fault.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “Sure, we’ll see how well he buys that.” Matt laughs. “You ate almost an entire fucking pie. I might have bought the damn thing, but I didn't tell you to eat it all at once.”

“But it was good!” Matt flops over on his side, half laying in Aaron’s lap. “I could sleep for two days I'm so full.”

“Get off me fat ass,” Aaron grumbles, poking at Matt’s shoulder where it's pressing into his stomach. “I gotta piss, and I want another drink.”

“Oh, good idea.” Matt grins and groans as he sits up. Aaron throws the blanket he'd been wrapped up in over Matt’s head before he heads to the bathroom. When he comes back, Matt is in the kitchen fixing their drinks. He's also wearing Aaron’s blanket like a cape.

“What...the fuck.” Aaron shakes his head as Matt grins from ear to ear.

“Hey, you're the one who threw it at me. I wanna be Vader.” He claps a hand over his mouth. “No, _I am your father_!” He laughs, making it sound as dark and menacing as he can. Aaron snorts, but he can't stop himself from outright laughing at Matt's ridiculousness. “Hey, so, you said we could do gifts tonight, right?”

Aaron nods as he takes the drink Matt made him. His stomach sinks to his feet. He takes a long sip first, then he goes upstairs to get the book he'd hastily and sloppily wrapped earlier. He also grabs the other gift that he'd just crammed into a gift bag instead of trying to figure out how to wrap it without a box. When he heads back into the living room, there are not one, but two gifts from Matt on the table. He sighs and dumps both of the gifts for Matt on the table beside them.

“If you'd rather wait, we can,” Matt says. He keeps his voice quiet and soft as he brings Aaron his drink from the kitchen. Aaron shakes his head. Better to get it over with now, he figures. “All right. Well, same time or separately?”

“Same time,” Aaron mutters. He sits heavily on one end of the couch and swallows half his drink at once. Matt flashes him a quick smile. They both reach for the smaller gifts first. Aaron rips away the paper as anxiety grows in his gut. It's _Call of Duty: World at War_. For the PS3. His stomach is in his feet and his heart is in his throat. He can't even pay attention to Matt as he opens his gifts. Aaron peels back some of the paper across the top of the big box. Sure enough, it is a brand-fucking-new PS3.

“This is awesome!” Matt is laughing and grinning when Aaron looks at him. He's already tugging the dark blue and bright green Hawks jersey over his head. Aaron already knew what number they would give Matt if they signed him - he'd looked at the contract with Matt. So he'd had the jersey made with Matt's new number plus his name on the back. “Holy shit! I gotta take a picture!” Matt grabs his phone and he's already taking selfies and sending them to people.

Aaron swallows hard as he looks back at the box. He doesn't even want to touch it, not really. He'd bought the PS2 he and Nicky have been playing on for the last several years back when his mom died. It was the only thing he'd splurged on, and he'd felt guilty for it. But now… Now Matt has just gone and bought him a PS3 like it was nothing - Aaron had been _joking_ for fuck’s sake!

“Aaron?” Matt sounds worried. Aaron looks at him. “Everything okay?”

“No,” Aaron says, surprising himself by being honest. “I can't - I can't accept this. You need to take it back.” He waves a hand at the PS3. “It's...too much.”

“You wanted it, didn't you?” Matt asks, frowning now. “If you don't -”

“That's not the point!” Aaron shouts. He balls his hands up hard enough to feel his short nails digging into his palm. “It's too much, Matt.”

“But...why?”

“Because I can't reciprocate!” Aaron stands. Only then does he realize he's shaking. “I - I can't get you anything that comes close to comparing to that. It isn't… It isn't fair.”

“I don't care about that!” Matt says standing as well, his phone forgotten on the table. “I got it because I thought it would make you happy! This isn't supposed to be about who can buy the most expensive shit, okay? Fuck! I just wanted to get you something I knew you would like and appreciate and fucking _use_ .” He yanks one hand through his hair before folding his hands behind his neck. “I fucking _love_ this jersey, okay? It is like, the best thing ever. I couldn't have asked for anything more amazing. I wanted you to be just as excited over your gift. That's _all_ I wanted.”

Aaron’s throat feel like it's swollen shut. His eyes are burning. He knows his face is red. He tries to take a breath, but it gets stuck somewhere in his throat, and he chokes on it. He turns around and tries to go upstairs to his room to lock himself away again. He doesn't make it more than a couple of steps before he trips over the hem of his baggy pajama pants. He crumples to the floor when his legs just won't hold him up anymore. He can't stop himself as he just curls up over himself and he chokes out a nearly-silent sob.

“Babe…” Aaron wants to punch Matt for calling him that, for buying the fucking PS3, for being here at all, but he doesn't move. He barely even flinches when Matt sits down beside him and pulls him into his lap. Aaron just cries. He hates Christmas so fucking much. It reminds him of all the worst things about his mom - of the shit that was always bad even when she wasn't beating on him. But it also reminds him of just how much he fucking misses her, because even if she was fucking awful sometimes, she was still his _mom_.

“Let's just...let's just go to bed, okay?” Matt says softly. Aaron doesn't answer, but Matt manages to get to his feet anyway - with Aaron in his arms. Aaron can't even protest at being picked up and held like a little kid. He hates it, but he feels like he can't even breathe right now, so he doesn't say anything. Matt takes him into Nicky's room. He puts Aaron on the bed before he strips out of his jersey and lays down beside Aaron, curling up around him.

Eventually, Aaron cries himself out. He's barely made a sound the entire time, but Nicky's sheets are wet with his tears and snot. He doesn't care. Matt just rubs his back like he has been almost the whole time. With a headache from hell and feeling a bit like warmed-over death, Aaron drops off to sleep.

The next day, Matt gets up first. He's done something with the PS3 by the time Aaron heads out into the living room. He feels ashamed of his breakdown the night before, but he doesn't say anything about it. Matt gives him a cup of coffee and sits beside him on the couch as Aaron flips through the channels that are finally back to normal.

“We can deal with everything else later,” Matt says quietly, “but next time, please just tell me when something is freaking you out or bothering you. I can't read your mind.” Aaron nods a little. “I’ll do the same, okay? I don't know why, and I don't care why, but I really do like you, Aaron. I want...I want you to be happy.”

“I don't like talking about how fucked up Christmas has always been for me,” Aaron mutters. He stares down at his coffee and swirls it around inside the mug a little. “I never had to explain it to Nicky or Andrew because Andrew always just threatened to stab someone and that pretty much ended things. I'm not Andrew.” He looks at Matt and shrugs. He doesn't feel comfortable, but he swallows it down. “I'll try, but that's all I can offer.”

  
“That's all I'm asking.” Matt gives him a small smile. “Wanna go get some brunch?” Aaron nods. “Cool.” They finish their coffee and then get up to shower and get dressed and head out. They can deal with the gifts issue on another day, one where Aaron can actually explain himself and not have a total meltdown again. He still might make Matt take it back. Maybe. Then again, the best part about having the PS3 would be getting to play it _with_ Matt, so he might just keep it after all.  

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my angst fest!! Please let me know what you thought! :D


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